The Ring

This ring is one of the most cherished things I own. It's a Claddagh ring that my dad bought for me in Limerick when our family took a trip to Ireland in 2000. It cost seven euro.

Claddagh rings are traditional Irish wedding rings, but these days most people wear them to show their Irish pride. Whenever I see people wearing them, I always ask if they're Irish. And they almost always say yes and we chat for a minute or two about our Irish heritage.

Except one college student. When I asked her if she's Irish, she said, "What? Oh, my ring? It's the same one that Buffy the Vampire Slayer always wore. I'm a huge fan."

I didn't see that coming...but I thought it was pretty funny.

Hot Coco

I don't understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little - if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that's the day she has a date with destiny. And it's best to be pretty for destiny.

--Coco Chanel

On Assignment

Thanks to my friends at The O.C. Gazette, I had the pleasure of moonlighting as a semi-real journalist last month when I interviewed Hal Landon Jr. for an article in the December issue of the magazine.

Mr. Landon stars as Scrooge in the South Coast Repertory’s annual production of A Christmas Carol. This was a special assignment for me, since I’ve seen the play nearly every year for a decade! Mr. Landon plays a perfect Scrooge, and he's such a sweet and humble man. A night or two after the interview, I saw him on My Name is Earl as I was flipping through the channels. “That’s my friend, Hal!” I thought to myself. Ha.

Read my article here.

And…go see this show! This will be Mr. Landon’s thirtieth year playing Scrooge!!

Lead On...

I’ve been thinking about a specific leader in my life that I greatly admire, and then thinking about why I admire him. What makes a great leader?

Some of the qualities I appreciate most in leaders are the following:

Teachable hearts. Here’s the thing—you can be well-educated, well-traveled, well-read, and have tons of ministry and life experience, but if you don't have a humble heart and act like you know everything and think you’re smarter than everyone, I don't really care to be under your leadership. Good leaders seek to find what God is teaching them in every situation—be it one of adversity or celebration—and invite people into their lives to continually challenge them and to learn from. That approach to life is actually something that I’ve noticed in all of the wisest people I know.

Availability. Boundaries are important, of course, but a good leader is not someone who’s known for being too busy for people. Don’t ever hesitate to abandon a task to sit down and connect with someone. What good is leadership if you’re unavailable to lead? How useless is wisdom and encouragement if you don’t make the time to communicate it? Why would someone allow you to lead them if you don’t show them that you care?

Reliance on God. I do not have to question a responsible leader’s judgment because I know he or she has sought God’s wisdom and waited for confirmation before making a decision. We need to have trust and confidence in a leader's ability to make good decisions without any sort of agenda.

Actively listening. Don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t make assumptions. Just listen first. Being a great listener is one of the most profound ways to lead…isn’t that weird when you think about it? Sitting down and shutting up is the first step to being invited into someone’s life to lead. And it’s not just the words that we should listen to. What are people’s eyes and hearts communicating?

Fun. Fun helps produce creativity and joy. It reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously. It energizes, refreshes, improves morale, excites, and lifts spirits. Fun is important; it shouldn’t be minimized to a trivial luxury.

I'm thankful for the people in my life that are examples of godly leadership. What are some qualities that you value in a leader?

A Practically Perfect Night

Back in May, my friend Lauren asked me for some dates I'd be free in November to go out for a night to celebrate my birthday. She said she had to buy tickets in advance, but wouldn't tell me what the tickets were for. I had no idea what she had up her sleeve until months later when I saw a commercial on TV for Mary Poppins the musical, playing in L.A. I knew that was where she was taking me!

Lauren is usually quite a planner--she does research on restaurants, makes reservations, and prints out directions. But last night we thought we'd wing it a little more than usual. So we headed up to L.A. early to walk around and find a nice place to eat dinner before the show. Little did we know what the night had in store for us...

First, after we parked, we noticed a street that was blocked off with bright lights and a film crew. Some nice policemen told us that Heroes was filming. We expected their next sentence to be something along the lines of "You can't go any further to see. Stay back, please." Instead, they said, "There's some stars from the cast...you should go see what they're up to!" We got a blessing from the police...I mean, we had to investigate!

Seconds later, we found ourselves about fifty feet from Milo Ventimiglia, filming a solo scene. Milo plays Peter Petrelli on the show. Now, I've only seen the first (excellent) season, so I can't vouch for the rest of Heroes. But I've been a longtime Milo fan since his days as Jess on Gilmore Girls, where I kind of fell in love with his character as soon as he stole Rory's book and wrote in the margins. Anyway, Lauren and I stood there watching him filming for about five minutes, and then they finished and started tearing down everything. Milo just sat down on the curb...alone...like he was waiting for us. So we walked over to him and asked if we could get a picture.

And he was so sweet! He even took the photo himself. I'm not really sure what I said or what happened. If I didn't have the picture, I might believe I imagined the whole thing. I just hope I came off as a normal person and didn't ask if I could run my hand through his hair or anything. Lauren said I was composed, so I'll stick with her version of the story! I've seen plenty of celebrities over the years, but never one I'm actually a fan of. It was so great!

After we met Milo, we had dinner at the Daily Grill and then asked the host how to find the shuttle to the Downtown Music Center. (We read on a brochure somewhere that we'd be able to get free transportation to the theater, which was about eight blocks uphill from where we parked.) "Actually, we have a free stretch limo that I can call to pick you up and take you instead." Um...okay, guy!

Ten minutes later, we were in a nifty limo heading to the show. I had never been to the Ahmanson Theater. It was beautiful and our seats were great--first row balcony (right where Mary flies over the audience at the end). Mary Poppins was an incredible show--the music, acting, story, sets, lights, choreography, and special effects were, well, you know the word...

After the show, our limo was waiting to take us back to our car. A trip to L.A. with a limo ride and a celebrity sighting...we definitely got the royal treatment last night! It was practically perfect in every way!

Keep Calm and Carry On

No doubt you twitterers saw the #BlackFriday hashtag as a popular trending topic yesterday. It’s a visceral issue for nearly everyone; I have a hard time finding people who are indifferent to it. They either love the challenge of finding the best bargains and fighting the crowds, eagerly anticipating marching into the malls with coupons, lists, and battle plans. Or, they stay inside their turkey-reeking homes and enjoy a lackadaisical day of lounging and leftovers, fully embracing the lingering effects of their Turkey Day food comas.

The sanity of people who participate in this madness every year used to be highly suspect in my mind. I’d see the news coverage of people waiting in lines outside in the cold and shopping at midnight…at Walmart. I’d hear about the fights that suburban moms would get into over Furbies and Tickle Me Elmos. I’d like to think that on any other day, these people would pass for normal humans.

It’s true that Black Friday doesn’t really bring out the best in humanity. The mob mentality rules as logic and manners are thrown to the wayside and impatient and entitled people push each other around in the stores. Plus, it’s the one day a year that the very worst parkers and drivers go to the malls. Judgment is entirely led by the desire to feel like a victorious consumer. BUT, if you can tough it out, you really can find great deals with minimal pain—financial, psychological, or otherwise.

The thing is…you’ve got to want it. Black Friday is not for the weak-hearted. No.

So, here are some of my tips for a pleasant (yep, I said pleasant) and productive Black Friday experience.

1. Don’t get up earlier than 5. I mean, have some self-respect.

2. Do go to Starbucks. You have just ripped your body from the womb of a warm bed; listen to its screams for caffeine and fuel. Secondary benefit: those ever-pleasant baristas will help you start off that stupidly early first hour of your day with a smile. When I went in yesterday to grab a peppermint mocha, the first barista asked me if I was heading out to shop. The second barista rolled his eyes and said, “Well, I don’t think they’re going deep-sea fishing.” That’s comedy, people, and it’ll start your day off right.

3. Wear comfortable clothes that are easy to change out of. While other shoppers focus on electronics or toys, I focus on clothes. Yesterday, I probably tried on twenty party dresses and fifteen pairs of jeans. (Like I said, you’ve got to want it.) Oh, and never enter a dressing room without three items, minimum; make the hassle of changing worth your time.

4. Be nice to everyone, but especially store employees. There are two reasons for this: First, it’s important to be nice in general, but I especially feel sorry for all the crap that people in retail have to put up with from shoppers who want to argue for ten minutes about the validity of coupons or the misleading fine print in a mail ad. I sympathize with them. And second, they’ll be much more helpful and responsive if you’re nice. One lady gave me an extra 11% discount yesterday because I just asked how she was doing.

5. Keeping tip #4 in mind, don’t get too friendly with employees. I made the mistake of trying to joke around with a GAP girl yesterday like she knew me. “These jeans are so cheap, it’s stupid!” I told her. I think all she heard me say was that GAP was stupid, because she looked a bit wounded by my comment. (Sorry, Annie. I forgot we’re not real-life friends.)

6. Leave your pets at home on Black Friday. I saw a man shopping with his canine companion at Macy’s yesterday. And it wasn’t even a small purse dog like the kind women use to accessorize…it was big! And it was wearing a sweater. Like, why would you do that to your dog?

7. Make a list and stick to it so you don't buy things you don't need just because they're on sale. I needed a skirt and sunglasses; I bought a skirt and sunglasses. I also made sure I had a list of people I needed to buy gifts for. Remember to never buy something just because it’s on sale; only buy it if you really love it.

Alright…now, start planning your shopping strategy for next year!

Thankful

Last night I saw The Road. You know how much I love the book. I had been anticipating the film's release for a long time, although I was prepared to be disappointed. After all, making a Pulitzer Prize-winning book into a film must be daunting. Would the film do it justice? Well, yes; it actually did. It’s as haunting and unforgettable as the book.

The Road, simply put, is a story about a father and son fighting to survive in a post-apocalyptic world. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is a conversation the father has with his boy, teaching him to always keep “carrying the fire inside.” He instills hope in his son when it doesn’t make any sense and urges him to never give up. During that conversation, I thought, what is keeping that fire in their hearts from going out? They’re sitting on top of a lifeless planet, starving, and being hunted by the “bad guys,” and yet, they choose to hope. And it turned out, there was a reason for it.

I originally started this post to write something Thanksgivingy. I wanted to list some things I’m thankful for, like peppermint stick ice cream and honest people. But after seeing this movie, I’m just thankful that God has given me hope in something greater than myself or the things of this world. And I’m thankful for my family and friends who bring me comfort and joy, who challenge me, and who love me.

May we be thankful for all the things that ignite the fire of hope in our hearts.

Happy Thanksgiving.

California Christmas

Christmas lights on palm trees.

One of my most favorite things.

Christmastime is here.

"Even when I am gone, I shall remain in people's minds."--Napoleon

On Saturday, my friend Sara and I trekked to Anaheim to the Muzeo, which is currently hosting the Treasures of Napoleon exhibit. I was excited to see it because I really didn't know much about Napoleon. While driving there, we tried to remember facts about him...all we could come up with was that he was short, he was excommunicated to Elba, and he was funny in Night at the Museum 2. Fortunately, we were able to learn a little bit more about him after attending the exhibit, which covered everything from his early life up to his death.

The first thing we wanted to figure out was what he really looked like. Obviously, Napoleon was conscious of controlling his image, and we weren’t sure if the portraits we saw were "real" portraits or just idealized images of a “hero.” Judging from the first-known portrait of him (above), at age twenty-eight, he was pretty attractive. Sara said she’d “totally go out with him.” Ha.

The other thing we wanted to figure out was who he really was, which we didn't really get a grasp on. From the information in the museum, we learned that he was a keen judge of character, yet somehow trusted disloyal colleagues. He seemed to be deeply in love with his first wife, but divorced her after she failed to produce an heir. He cared about his soldiers, yet abandoned them when he felt it expedient. He did everything he could to strengthen the French nation, but in doing so, kept her in a state of war for twenty years. After all this time, he is still a mystery.

I can’t tell you all of his famous battles or accomplishments or important information about him, but I can tell you the following:

His peeps discovered the Rosetta Stone when they invaded Egypt! (I'm jealous. I've always wanted to make an important archaeological discovery.) Napoleon brought teams of scholars, artists, and scientists along with his army when he traveled to document what they found. He valued education, was a voracious reader, and loved math and geography.

He was notoriously frugal about his clothes and he often would get things repaired that would have been easier to replace! The exhibit had a sleeve from one of his jackets…the story goes that a waiter spilled sauce on the jacket, he went to get the sleeve replaced, and the tailor kept the sleeve. You can still see the sauce on it! I bet if eBay had existed back then, tons of Napoleon’s things would have been sold on it. Even during his lifetime, his personal possessions were regarded as treasured relics of a great man. The exhibit even has a lock of his hair.

He was 5’6” tall and according to a general, his teeth were “bad and dirty.”

His grandnephew founded the F.B.I. Random!

He was kind of obsessed with personal cleanliness. He started each day with a one-hour hot bath. Then he shaved and washed his hands with almond paste and his face, neck, and ears with soap and water. Then he would strip to his waist and pour eau de cologne over his head and down his torso. (Guess he didn’t care as much about his teeth.)

Sara and I really enjoyed the exhibit. It’s easy to see how Napoleon used the arts as propaganda to build his legend and to instill respect and admiration for himself and his policies. He seemed to be in complete control of his image. It’s crazy to think about the power of art and how it has shaped our view of historical figures.

The last part of the exhibit was a dark room with a spotlight on Napoleon’s hat, the greatest icon of the legend. He wore it “broadside on,” meaning the sides were parallel to his shoulders, so that he could be distinguished from his officers in battle. It was definitely the gem of the exhibit and a thrill to see!

The exhibit is only here until January 8th, so visit soon.

Say What You Need To Say

One of the best things about my job is that I get to hang out with college students. I often meet up with girls at Starbucks, for lunch, or in the office. Sometimes we just meet to catch up and shoot the breeze. Other times, there is a specific conflict or concern that a student needs some help navigating through.

The truth is, I often feel inadequate when giving advice or speaking wisdom into other people's circumstances. What if I don’t have the biblical knowledge they’re looking for? What if I can’t find the right words for them? How can I comfort, help, and encourage them with what I do know?

Time and again, I’ve found that when a student has a problem, it’s usually with one person she deeply cares about--a close friend, a guy, or a family member. While she tells me the story, I can see where her heart is immediately: she hates being in conflict, there was some sort of miscommunication, and it’s clear that she loves that other person and wants to make amends.

So, I usually say two things.

First I ask, "Have you told that person everything you just told me?" ("No...")

And second, I say, "You need to have a conversation with that person. Soon." ("I know. You're right.")

Clear communication, spoken in love, is the key to conflict resolution. It’s what clears up misunderstandings and miscommunicated expectations. It creates the opportunity for resentment to dissolve and for anger to be released. It's a catalyst for change, forgiveness, and healing to happen. It reveals concern and care. And what are the three most important things you can say to someone?

I’m sorry.

Forgive me.

I love you.

You don’t need to have a degree or really know anything to be able to give this advice or to live this out. You just need to find the courage to be intentional and genuine and do the right thing: Say what you need to say...